Do you believe in Karma, reader? Originating from the Buddhist and Hindu tradition, ‘karma’ is a spiritual concept of cause and effect. It implies that the actions you take now or in the past can affect your future. Now being an educated and sophisticated modern man, I don’t buy in to these sorts of ideas. I similarly do not believe in Santa Claus, Obamacare or other fairy tales that the young and weak-minded cling to. But my resistance to the Karma concept was challenged mightily this past weekend. Pull up a chair and read my tale:
Late last week as I was driving my car home from work, a beautiful male mallard had the misfortune of plotting his takeoff flight plan directly into my front right bumper. A most unfortunate and solid collision ensued, as neither of us could avert the impact. I was unable to pull over to either A) rescue the bird and/or B) retain his carcass for consumption, given the rate of speed and the density of the traffic I was driving in. I took no pleasure in the incident, reader, for despite my obvious disdain for some of their winged relatives, I am quite fond of ducks and especially the brilliant green-crested mallard male.
Later that weekend, I had gathered up my progeny to have some fun in the sun at our neighborhood swimming pool. We were in the middle of a lively game of gutter-ball when a female mallard crash landed into the shallow end of the pool. For a very short period of time, most of us were delighted. It seems ducks are almost universally adored by upper middle class America! Then, and this is where the Karma kicks in, Daisy drops a gigantic stinking cloud of green-brown explosive shit into the pool, quacks loudly once, and proceeds to flap up and out of the pool and the surrounding neighborhood.
At once the entire pool evacuated. With a cold Miller Lite in hand, yours truly calmly directed all the patrons out of the infested water to safety. The murky brown fecal cloud was quickly expanding into the sitting area and beyond. Within a few minutes, the filtration systems and the heavy chemicals in the pool dissipated the watery shitstain from existence, but by then, the damage was done. The camaraderie, goodwill and neighborly spirit of Sunday Funday at the pool was over, and we all headed home.
So some people might say “That’s Karma for you, right there, J.E. Grammar!” What do you think? I mean, here I am, a philosopher on the science and art of eating birds…and within a few short days, these two incidents happen to me…the dead duck, the hotshitwater. A man might begin to challenge his own belief system. Is there a cosmic force out there pulling the strings, trying to tell me something?
Just to make sure we were still in control of things, we ordered out some fried chicken for dinner later that night. Got damn that was some tasty bird!
J.E. Grammar: 1 Birds: 0