NFL Update: Birds Dominating – Must Be Stopped

The MBFA staffers are all big time NFL fans.  We also really like science and math and know that statistical analysis of complicated phenomena generally leads to understanding and truth.  We’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the NFL – and that is the proliferation of successful bird-themed teams.  The Seahawks are winning big again…the Eagles are surprising with their rookie QB…it just FEELS like the birds are on top, and that should make all of us uncomfortable.

To confirm or disprove our fears, we had our crack team of statisticians run some complicated models and perform a rigorous battery of P-value and T-Tests on the NFL data.  The truth…well…it’s not good.

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Turns out, our fears are confirmed.  The birds are running the show – winning over 65% of their games played to date, and this includes the surprising and disappointing (well, not to us) start of the Arizona Cardinals, who were a trendy Superbowl pick in the preseason.  Fortunately, the human teams (e.g. the Patriots, Cowboys, Vikings) are nipping at their scaly, sharp little heels with a 63% win percentage.

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The animal teams, such as the Panthers, Bears and Lions are having a rough go at it so far, losing 3 of every 5 they play.  And the ‘others’ … well, you’ve got some bad company and a small sample size.  But fuck em, that’s what you get for naming your team after a color…a really bad color at that…the same color as poop (normal animal poop, not bird poop, which is white for some stupid reason).  Idiots.  Anyway, they suck hard at only 24%.

What can you do about it?  Surprisingly little.  Send your prayers via Facebook and make sure to donate to MBFA.

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